Common Birthparent Questions:

How do I tell the birthfather?

Your personal caseworker will help sort through your unique situation with the father.  We will guide and assist you through this process.  

How do I handle my adoption plan with my existing children?

We have professional counselors who will guide you through helping your children in an age appropriate manner.  We will be sensitive to their developmental level and will work to help your child(ren) feel secure.

What about my family?

This is an intensely emotional time for families.  Your caseworker will help you sensitively prepare to share your plan with your family, if you would like us to.  We will be glad to meet with them, if you wish, but are able to keep your situation confidential if needed.

Why may adoption be a good choice for me?

  • I can feel confident knowing that my child will be raised in stable and loving home by parents who will cherish him/her.
  • Right now I am not equipped or ready to be a parent; it is not fair to me or to my baby.
  • I love this baby enough to sacrifice my heart and do the best thing for him/her, because I know I cannot give him/her the life she/he deserves.
  • I am not financially or emotionally ready to be a parent, I want this baby to have what I cannot yet give. 

What kind of emotions can I expect?

You can expect a full range of emotions from joy to grief and loss.  Your personal caseworker has worked closely with many birthmothers throughout their adoption experience and stands ready to assist you on your personal journey.

How are adoptive parents approved for adoption?

Adoptive parents are approved by our agency after a home inspection, background checks, and other verification of their identities, character, lifestyle and personal histories. They go through extensive interviews to ensure they are physically, financially and emotionally capable of parenting and can provide a stable, loving and happy home for your baby. 

What is the process of adoption for a birthparent?

The first step is to come in and talk with a caseworker about adoption, and if it is the best choice for you and your baby.  Then, if you are ready, you may view our approved adoptive families.  Know that all adoptive families are thoroughly screened and evaluated.  You will be able to meet with them, if you want to.  They can have as much or as little involvement in the pregnancy as you are comfortable with.  If you would like to move forward with an adoptive plan, we will begin counseling and support.  

After the baby is born, you will go to court, with your caseworker and your attorney.  This court experience is not the same for birthparents as it is for someone who has broken the law.  The judges we work with hold birthparents in high regard, and understand that you have chosen to do what is best for your baby at the expense of your own feelings.  The judges want to ensure that you have been made aware of your rights, and that you are certain of your decision to relinquish your rights as a parent.  We will be there to support you through this process.  

Financial assistance is available until 4 weeks post-partum. If you want to come in for support and/or counseling for the next 18 years, we will welcome you with open arms.  We will not leave you alone to deal with your feelings after the baby is born.  If you have chosen an open adoption plan, you will begin to receive letters and pictures of the baby.  

What happens at the hospital and after?

At most of the hospitals, the birthmother is in charge of her delivery to a large extent.  You will be able to determine how many people and who are present during labor and delivery.  You will also be able to decide when and how you want to see the baby.  Normally, the baby will be kept in the labor and delivery room with you for the recovery period, about two hours.  If you desire, the baby may be placed in another room with the adoptive parents.  After the recovery period, the baby is usually taken to the nursery for a bath and a full assessment. This takes place as you are being moved to your hospital room.

You and the baby will normally be kept for 24-48 hours for a vaginal delivery and about 3 days for a C-section.  You often have some say in how long you stay unless there are complications.  During that time, you may see the baby as much as is comfortable for you.  When the doctor gives permission, you will be discharged from the hospital.  Sometimes the doctor will allow you to discharge early, due to the adoptive situation.  You may wish to say goodbye to the baby and/or the adoptive parents.  You may wish to take pictures and you may take as many as you like.  You may not wish to do any of these things.  Just be sure that you get what you need by telling your adoptive parents or your caseworker.

What are my choices when doing an adoption?

  • Complete confidentiality, if desired.
  • You can select the adoptive family for your child, or ask your caseworker, if you prefer.
  • You can meet the adoptive family if you choose.
  • You may involve the adoptive family in the pregnancy and birth, if you want.
  • You choose your prenatal care, your physician and hospital, your birthing plan and amount of time with your child in the hospital.
  • You will receive as much supportive counseling as you wish during the adoption process.
  • You will receive specific preparation for the birth and the adoption.
  • You may receive some financial support and help for housing, childcare, and relational issues during the adoption.
  • You will receive birthing support, if you wish. 
  • We will interface with the medical staff to help your birthing and adoption plan go smoothly.
  • You will receive independent legal counsel to ensure your legal rights are protected, free of charge.
  • You may request letters, pictures, and/or some level of structured visits with the adoptive family after the adoption.
  • You may receive as much counseling related to the adoption as you wish, free of charge, until the child is 18 years of age.
  • You will have a personal caseworker.
  • You will have access to a caseworker 24 hours/day; 7 days/week.

What exactly is an open adoption?

There are many aspects of an open adoption, from meeting the adoptive family before the baby is born, to involving them in the doctor visits.  

Most open adoptions consist of letters describing how the child is doing, and pictures of the child.  These may be delivered to our office or to your home.  You may request to receive letters and pictures until the child turns 18.  You may request letters and pictures, even if you wish your identity to be kept confidential. 

Some birthparents request structured visitation after the baby is born.  There may be a one-time visit, or more.  These visits are at a neutral location, along with the adoptive family.  

You may determine what level of openness you would like, if any.  Many birthparents do not wish to have any openness.  This is completely understandable, and your choice.  


Adoption Assistance Agency | 2800 Eubank Blvd. NE | Albuquerque, NM 87112 | 505-821-7779

Birth Parents

Common Adoptive Parent Questions | Common Birthparent Questions: